the idea behind the poem is good.. gr8 job.. however the critic inside me couldn't resist observing a few scopes for improvement. Have listed them below: 1. Not sure if 'chhalti' is the right word..chhalna means dhokha dena...i guess u wanted to use 'chhalakti' 2. On reading the first line, i felt a tinge of uneasiness. "boond pade jo pani ki". Now even if i dint have the pic for reference, the following lines wud easily have told me that its paani.... rather than telling that its a paani ki boond, the line can be beautified by giving the boond an adjective...jus an opinion.. 3. the two lines ending with 'me' in between cud have been avoided..they break the flow of poem..how bout - "rookhe pag jo badhte jaayein sookhi dharti ki pyaas bujhaaye"
Gal.... This reminded me of a story I read way back in my text book. It was named 'Rampur ki Agamjani'(If I still remember it correctly)... very nice piece of work... the important thing is that u have highlighted idea behind it well... :)
u know after so much days i again get in touch with kind of hardcore hindi.... and i really feel good to see some original work from a creative friend....
"एक बूंद पड़े जो पानी की
34 comments:
what are you?? seriously!! I could have never related something like that's in the pic to the kind of lines you've written!!
ji, tussi great ho!! :| :)
See you when I see you... :)
muje hindi nahi ati hai :P..translate pls :P.
urs..hemu..
kya baat hai...
seriously nice yar :)
too good hai ji! :)
heylo woman! m back ;P
oh n poem is niiiiiice!
the only thoughts I had were....
Im hungry.
need new t shirt.
sorry, Im self centered.
:P
nicely done, the post.
:O abe ...itni bhayanak hindi kahan si sikhi :O
meri hindi bahut kamjor hai ...sikha de yaar :P
waise tuney likhi hai poem toh acchi he hogi :D
Brilliant stuff!
"gagri teri chalti jay " :)
Beautiful............
the idea behind the poem is good..
gr8 job..
however the critic inside me couldn't resist observing a few scopes for improvement. Have listed them below:
1. Not sure if 'chhalti' is the right word..chhalna means dhokha dena...i guess u wanted to use 'chhalakti'
2. On reading the first line, i felt a tinge of uneasiness. "boond pade jo pani ki". Now even if i dint have the pic for reference, the following lines wud easily have told me that its paani....
rather than telling that its a paani ki boond, the line can be beautified by giving the boond an adjective...jus an opinion..
3. the two lines ending with 'me' in between cud have been avoided..they break the flow of poem..how bout -
"rookhe pag jo badhte jaayein
sookhi dharti ki pyaas bujhaaye"
oh my god !
i'm in love with your blog and your writing!
It's great re!
:)
Keep it up!
@ pranav
aare kaha yaarr..jyada tarif an kar..mein udne lagungi..
:P
shukriya
@ hemzz
arre yarr...
kitni mehnat karni padegi..
@ hobo
:)
@ amirta
thank you dear
@ prakhar
bohot bohot dhanyawaad
@ tinni
good to see you back :D
and thanks
@ deluded
and you are giving me new names.french toast...french fries
:P
thanx
@ pinku
mother tounge hai be hindi...itni toh aati hai
tujhe seekhna hai..chal mil online aaj se classes shuru
:P
@ bhargav
thanks
:)
@ i'l try to be truthful
:)
:)
:)
@ digant
thank you..trying my hands on hindi nowadays
@ cursed
aww thanku soo much..
@ shashank
now this is very nice to see some critics..this is gona help me to improve
will be wrking on it again
Gal.... This reminded me of a story I read way back in my text book. It was named 'Rampur ki Agamjani'(If I still remember it correctly)... very nice piece of work... the important thing is that u have highlighted idea behind it well... :)
Yeh badhiya hai.... Nicely done. Kaise likhti hai re yeh sab?? Sahi hai ekdum :) :)
nice pic ....
u know after so much days i again get in touch with kind of hardcore hindi.... and i really feel good to see some original work from a creative friend....
keep smiling and keep rocking,
sid....
@ resurgence
*smiling*
thankks
@ smriti
pata nai kaisa likhti hu..bas ho jata hai
:)
@ sid
pata hai hindi likhne ka alag hi feel hai yaar
hindi literature aur writings bohot hi valuable hai yaarr
may be ho sakta hai....
par apna to jaise hindi se nata hi toot gaya hoon.....
aajkal to newspaper bhi angrazi hi padhte hai....
@ sid
haan badi vidambana hai
aapni matrabhasha hai hindi soch
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